Musk Declares Twitter Alive and Well

New Twitter CEO Elon Musk is happy to report that his new company is thriving despite doom and gloom predictions from former employees and leftist radicals.

In fact, the billionaire shared a graph recently that showed that Twitter usage hit another all-time high just last week. Apparently, the random celebrities and has-beens jumping ship have not caused the damage they thought their departures would.

The new boss, in the midst of his house cleaning, stumbled across something hidden in a company closet that speaks volumes about the old regime.

Musk and another person found a “secret closet” filled with shirts reading: #StayWoke. This, of course, came in the aftermath of seeing a mass exit of “woke” workers from the social media platform.

The video of the discovery quickly went viral and showed Musk displaying one of the offending shirts. He said: “Here we are at the (merchandise) thing and there’s an entire closet full of hashtag woke.”

Someone off-camera remarked: “A secret closet.”

The woke of Twitter and elsewhere had a field day with outlandish predictions of the company’s quick demise. They also feared the spread of fake news and hate speech across the platform.

CBS News bailed on the company for less than two days before deciding they needed Twitter much more than Twitter needed them.

And so far, actual changes have been highly publicized but structurally minor.

Musk has already said goodbye to over 75% of the staff, and those remaining had to agree to work harder than ever to overhaul the company. Besides the dismissals, other changes have been relatively mild. They still, however, caused a commotion in leftist circles.

His much-anticipated reinstatement of former President Donald Trump’s account led to wild predictions of literal deaths. The new CEO also allowed the satirical website, Babylon Bee, back onto the platform. And it’s become increasingly apparent that free speech and Twitter are both thriving.